The Beauty & The Tramp
by Baniita
Summary: They say that tying a cherry stem knot with your tongue means you're a good kisser. Kanda tries really, really hard to ignore their absurd shenanigans. Crack. Reversible. [INFORMATION ON YULLEN WEEK 2K13!]


Allen swirls his tongue with precision and skill, twirling one end of the stalk into the loop, then sucking on it, _hard_. He opens his mouth, and extends his tongue to display his masterpiece: a perfect cherry stem knot.

Lavi holds up his stem knot as well, and they both give each other a thumbs up. "Ehehehe," they giggled in unison.

Kanda narrows his eyes in disdain at their pointless shenanigans. He decides not to even bother asking, since he doesn't care enough to know the answer.

"Want to give it a try, Kanda?" Allen asks him tauntingly, just as the Asian man turns his back (a bit too quickly, as his ponytail slaps himself in the face-_when your own ponytail turns against you_).

"_No,_" Kanda says firmly. More firmly than a nail holding together pieces of IKEA furniture.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," the white-haired boy says, followed by a fake sigh, a shrug, and a half-assed headshake.

Kanda's eye twitches.

"Bro can't measure up to our mad skills," Lavi comments while nodding.

Kanda's other eye twitches. He's pretty sure if this keeps up, he's going to pop a blood vessel. Or go so batshit that he flutters off all his _beautiful, perfectly curved, long eyelashes._ And that would just be a shame.

He sets down his belongings on the table with a _thud_, and plops himself onto a wooden splintery chair that tickles uncomfortably on his cushy firm rear. He picks a random cherry from the bowl, and chews off the fruit from the seed. Kanda spits the seed in Allen's general direction (_"Oi! You hit my left nipple, you obscene man-"_), and takes out the stem to examine it.

"You're supposed to twist it with only your tongue," explains the British boy.

"What does that_ even accomplish?_" Kanda asks. He begins to roll the stem into a loop with his mouth. He struggles to get one end through the loop.

"They say it means you're a good kisser~" explains Lavi.

Kanda nearly chokes on the stem. He coughs violently, and Allen pats him on the back to "help" (actually, it does the opposite of helping; it's totally ineffectual, but Allen doesn't care).

"And where did you read that?! One of Jeryy's women's magazines?!"  
the Asian man accuses.

"...Actually, it was Bookman's," Lavi explains in a small voice, avoiding their eye-contact in a way that he would insist is _totally_ subtle. The ginger still remembers the cover, and the article page it was open on, on the topic of "growing beautiful, luscious long hair that your loved one will want to comb their hands through!" The next page was an article on a swimming musical-Lavi didn't inquire any further into it, _("Splash L.O.V.E, I want to swim freely only into your heart! Splash Free! We'll swim together forever~!")_

"Ugh." The swordsman regains his composure, and continues his hopeless endeavors of knotting the cherry stem.

_Swish swash_, and sucking noises. Tsshhhh. _Shluuuuurrp._ Nothing.

The other two are about to interrupt, when Kanda stubbornly refuses to give up, and holds up a hand.

Allen grins a fake gentleman's grin, and slowly approaches Kanda around the table.

Kanda glares daggers at him so fiercely that the daggers nearly become tangible. He doesn't know what the harbinger of doom is up to, but he knows it can't b-

He doesn't see it coming, and in the next second he feels another pair of lips softly pressing on his own, and a warm tongue invading his mouth.

_'Oh no, you fucking don't.' _Kanda has no intention of letting the stem go just so Allen can prove a point against him. He attempts to fold in the stem, but the British tongue flirts with Kanda's, and coaxes it away from him easily in flexible movements. The raven forcefully digs into Allen's hair and pushes his head closer, while the other tightens his hand's grip on Kanda's tie.

Meanwhile, Lavi is freaking out in the background. _'Damn, that's one long kiss!'_ (He can't see the fierce battle between the two very well.)

Link walks in, and becomes flabbergasted.

Allen masterfully twirls the stem, and Kanda's tongue reaches for the other end and sucks it back, but Allen's end is caught between his teeth. They both hold each end like in _that_ scene from Lady and the Tramp.

He realizes a fleeting victory, then realizes that the stem is knotted.

It was a trap.

Allen grins, sincerely amused by Kanda's shocked expression. The latter feels a rush of heat bubbling up, and refuses to believe not all of it is from anger.

"Pfffft!" The red-head pounds the desk like it's an attorney's podium, stifling his laughter.

"Y-You.. You cheated! _You used teeth!_"

"But I thought you liked it when I use teeth," Allen retorts innocently, tapping his chin ponderously with a pointed finger.

Lavi falls over the chair, and practically howls.

Link has to lean against the wall to prevent his legs giving in to just how _done_ he was with these two.

The floor shook with the roars Kanda unleashed. A few floors up, Komui took the earthquake as an excuse to slack off, as he used his Virgin Mobile golem to text Jeryy to let him know he was on his way to help bake that cake.

He skips off into the hall in lovely merriment, unbeknownst to the UST fest-er-chaos down below.

Crossposted to tumblr (see theyullenator, tag: drabble).

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**A/N subliminal messaging: Go vote for Yullen Week 2k13 themes (2 polls). Go do it. Now. Over here: yullen-week {dot} livejournal {dot} com / 8849 {dot} html  
**

Hypnotism aside, I really would appreciate more votes for the two polls, as they'll decide the themes for this year. I tried reaaaally hard to get some really good word themes up there. **I've taken up the task of organizing Yullen Celebration Weeks (Dec. 18th to 31st) this year,** as nherizu and a1y-puff have retired due to real life priorities. Well, I have those too, but I literally live and breathe this perfection of an OTP. If you'd like to help out, please check out our recruitment page or drop me or nherizu a message. There's our LJ (yullen-week), but we also have a tumblr now (also yullen-week).

For people who don't know how YCW works, basically it's a writing festival similar to Big Bang and Fest challenges. If you'd like to register, check the sidebars on the tumblr/LJ!


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